Ivy and Allie's 2 News Segment

March For Babies | KUTV.com







Yesterday Ivy and I were on KUTV 2 News to talk about the March for Babies. I had been really nervous since last Thursday when Heidi Hatch asked us to come on the show. Even though it wasn't Ivy's favorite thing to do, I had tons of fun. Heidi is so nice, and she had promised to make it super easy for me, knowing I would have to wrangle Ivy through the whole thing. Ivy hates when I hold her onstage at March of Dimes events for two minutes, and Heidi had seen that happen before. It was nerve wracking, but lots of fun.

 We got to sit around in the studio for a while, and while there we met Midas Whale, you may recognize that name from The Voice. They were genuinely nice guys, and we had a lot of fun taking pictures with them, and Ivy adored both of them. For those that don't know, Ivy loves music. I mean this girl LOVES music. It seems to take away all of her SPD symptoms. She stops what she is doing, and pays full attention to wherever the music is coming from. Yesterday was her lucky day, because Midas Whale was playing acoustic songs, and Ivy has a thing for guitars. She goes nuts when I play and sing to her. I only know one crappy song, but you'd think I was pulling off a Jimi Hendrix riff with how she acts over it. Anyway, while they were playing, Ivy leaned back in her stroller, watched their every move in silence, and clapped when they were done. We got to hear quite a few of their songs, it was like our own private concert in the foyer of KUTV. Way too much fun. I was star struck. These guys need your help to make the album possible, so head on over to Kickstarter to pre-order their album, help them get some studio time. They're about half way to their goal, and have 20 days to collect the rest. They're great, I can't wait to own the CD.

Don't mind my face in this picture. After they played their songs, I was a little shaky and smitten.

A Very Special 100th Post: The Thing About NICU Nurses

I have had the opportunity to keep in touch with many of Ivy's NICU nurses since her stay, and I am so grateful. I want Ivy to grow up and know who took care of her when Mom couldn't. They're all such wonderful, strong women, and kids can never have enough positive role models. I know everyone is probably tired of me singing their praises, but I think I should let you a know a little bit about why they are so special to me.

-We spent 117 days in the NICU. They were with us every day and every night. They became family.

-Ivy's nurses loved her. You could tell by the way they talked to her, and the way they were so careful with her fragile body. They weren't just doing their job, they went above and beyond.

-I would walk into the NICU to find her nurses cuddling her, rocking her, and talking to her, when they weren't even assigned to her for the day. They would be so concerned if a new nurse had her, and go check up on her. My favorite was probably when I walked in and met Kari for the first time, and she was already snuggling Ivy. It was so sweet, and it made me feel so much better about going home to rest, knowing someone was there giving her loves.

-They held my hand when things got bad. I remember Alice holding my hand the day Dr Malleske told me Ivy needed to be transferred to Primary's for the PDA ligation because her lungs just weren't improving.

-They constantly saved Ivy's life. I'm not kidding. From the day she was born, until a couple weeks before she came home, she tried to die on us all the time. She stopped breathing, she turned blue, her heart stopped. She was a fragile little flower, that one. Her wonderful nurses saved her every single time.

-I couldn't be in the NICU all the time, obviously. When I went home, I left Ivy in their care. Moms, just imagine the trust you would have to have to just leave your newborn with someone else every night. I trusted them with Ivy's life, and they always made me feel 100% comfortable with that.

-Even if we were only with a nurse for one day, they made in impact. They taught me something new. I know we were only with Jeanette for one shift, but in that time, she managed to save Ivy's life, take about a million blood samples, keep me calm, and all the while, was calm herself. That was the night of Ivy's ROP Surgery, and she was not doing well.

-They don't just stop caring as soon as you walk out of the NICU. They legally can't give you any advice once you're gone, but they can still just make sure you're doing alright. I have kept in touch with them from Facebook and texting, and I still get little messages once in a while asking how Ivy is.

-They love their jobs. You can tell some days they are more exhausted both physically and emotionally than others, but it is always obvious they have a passion for taking care of these tiny babies.

-They are some of the most optimistic people you will ever meet. Simple as that.

-They're patient with crazy NICU moms. I will gladly admit that I was a sleep deprived, stressed out, hormonal mess in the NICU and they never acted annoyed by me, which probably was not so easy for them.

-They called me to let me know how Ivy was doing, and inform me of little milestones. Lexie always called me when Ivy pooped, as they were watching closely for NEC and that was always good news!

-They were always willing to teach me the things I wanted to know. By the time I left, I could work all the monitors, make my own flow chart, and know her stats just by looking at her. They gave me the confidence I needed to bring her home from the NICU. They always made sure I was involved in her care.

 -NICU Nurses have the professionalism of a doctor, and the heart of a mother. They are wonderfully compassionate human beings, with a deep respect for life. There is something about them that sets them apart from all other nurses, and all other people for that matter.


Thank you NICU nurses. You are so wonderful. You gave us hope when things seemed hopeless. Thank you for giving Ivy a future. There were days when it really didn't look like she would make it, but you helped her fight. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Ivy's 17 Month Pictures

Yesterday I woke up and told Casey I wanted to take Ivy to FotoFly to have some pictures done for our moms for mother's day. I called and set up an appointment, they had an opening at 2:30, and they assured me she wouldn't be around any other children. I was so excited to do something so normal with her. I picked out a few outfits, and we were on our way.

Ivy was so curious about her new surroundings, and seemed happy enough when we first arrived. As soon as we were called back, her mood changed quickly. She was suddenly in a glass case of emotion. She screamed, flailed, cried, squealed, kicked, scratched, and clawed her way through the 40 minute session. Our photographer was so patient as we sanitized everything, and as Ivy flopped over and sobbed every time she was ready to take a picture. I was honestly expecting to have to come back another time, but when I went back to view the pictures, I was overcome with happiness. Looking at them with one of the employees, I sobbed, I told her Ivy's story...I was one proud mom.

The pictures were so beautiful that I just could not keep them a secret until mother's day. I ended up giving both of our moms the pictures yesterday. I am so happy I did. I couldn't wait to share them. She looks so grown up, and so big, though she is only the size of an 8 month old. I can't believe my baby is so big, and I definitely can't wrap my head around the fact that she started out at one pound.

Tiny Angel Tuesday: Humphrey

Humphrey's mom, Tien, is a good friend of my sister's. I am so honored that not only did she ask my sister to photograph their time together, she also shared her story and photos with us. Thank you so much, Tien and Tyler.


Humphrey Thai Lindsay

I'm not sure where to begin, so we will start when I found out I was pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant, I was afraid. I was so afraid I called Erin (Allie's sister) for comfort, because it was something I was sure that I wanted. I never thought I would get pregnant. I always assumed I couldn't conceive, because Tyler and I have been together since 2008, and I have never been on any contraceptions. So we thought we wouldn't be able to have children unless we paid a mass amount of money for fertility drugs or adoption.

When I got pregnant with no drugs or special tactics, we thought it was meant to be. We thought this had to be IT, that it was a miracle. I passed through 6 1/2 months of pregnancy with ease, and experienced every kind of symptom that accompanies a pregnancy. It was a hard few months with nausea, sore breasts, fat ankles, etc...

Our families were ecstatic, and we were about to get ready to buy our first crib. Here comes the sad part. Tyler was out on military drill, I remember wanting to cook him a lovely meal. I even remember the meal. It was chicken parmesan with marinara and noodles, with sautéed green beans, accompanied by crescent rolls. Later that evening, 3:00 am, I felt strong contractions, then I had to go to the bathroom. I remember the fear and anxiety that something was not right. I remember the blood and the painful contractions that kept coming every 10 minutes. Tyler rushed me to the ER.

When I arrived to the ER, I was experiencing Hour Glassing, which is when the water bag comes out because my cervix was too weak to hold the baby in. I was placed in the Trendelenburg Position for 2 days. No matter how many drugs or how inclined my bed was, my bag kept coming out. Eventually, the baby's appendages were coming out and the inevitable was coming.

When I heard the news, my heart sank. It sank so far that I didn't think it would ever come back up. When I heard the words "miscarriage, stillborn, be prepared..." All I could feel was panic. Panic that the baby I carried for 6 1/2 months was about to come, and I was not ready.

I ate broccoli almost everyday because it was good for babies. I drank and ate organic everyday when I found out I was pregnant. I invested so much to ensure a successful pregnancy. However, my efforts and prevention methods were of no use.

I pushed for 8 hours until the Dr. had to manually break my bag. I gave birth without any drugs. I did it naturally. I figured if this was the only time I would ever be pregnant, I wanted to feel all of it. I wanted to feel the pain, the contractions. It didn't matter how much it hurt. To me, I already felt the worst when I heard the dreadful word 'miscarriage'.

When Humphrey was out, I kept thinking he was suppose to breathe. He was suppose to cry. I was scared to hold him because he was so fragile. He had my husband's chin, my eyes, my nose, etc...

He was beautiful. When we held him, we sang "I am a child of God" to him. I will never forget hearing my husband's strong voice and caring voice break over the last verse, "lead me guide me walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all that I must do, to live with him some day".

The hardest moment for Tyler was when he left our room to retrieve ice chips for me. There was a lady next to our room giving birth. In the lady's room there was tons of family, pictures, cameras, laughter, happiness and a crying baby. My husband said he could feel the envy rush over him and the anxiety of it all.

After I was discharged from the hospital, we planned a small funeral. After the funeral, I felt despair. The best way I can describe despair is when all I wanted was for all of it to end. Despair swallows you and envelops you. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't live. My life felt so empty that no matter what I did, nothing brought me joy.

Of course over time, it gets easier. There are occasions when I think of Humphrey, but not in a sad way. I think of what he would have been like. I see his face, I wonder about him in heaven, and I believe he knows how much I love him.

Humphrey will always remain with me in my heart. I look forward to the day I can see him again, and feel him in my arms. I will always be a mother, and Tyler will always be his Father.

Humphrey 9 May 2012

Calving Season Approaches

This is all I have seen for the past month. 

Is calving season coming up in Utah, or what? Yes, that's all I have seen all over my Facebook timeline, out and about, and I swear every time I take Ivy to the doctor it's like a day dedicated to the moms who have ten other kids, but are managing to pop out another one soon. Good grief. 

Yes, I see all these normal mommy things, and suddenly my uterus is all "Don't you remember that smell? Yes, that baby smell. Remember when Ivy was too tiny to fight away your cuddles? Remember snuggling her all day? Let's have another one! Please! I'm all empty and useless down here. Let's make another one!" 

Suddenly I see this:

Aaaaaaw, yes uterus, I do need another one.

Obviously I hop on board with my uterus' fabulous idea, and I'm all:

Preferably on of these:

This all seems like such a fun idea, Ivy and a little brother or sister being two years apart. They'll be close enough in age to still be friends, and he or she will only be in the house two years after Ivy goes to college, instead of eight. (wink, wink)

I get all hyped up on the new baby rush....

until I remember this:

I remember that she was born 8 weeks after this:

On a side note, I also remember I use to look like this:

(HA! And I thought I was fat.)

And then this happened:

And then I'm like:

Then my uterus comes back with one of these:

Which just reminds me of this:

And then I'm like:

And then I remember the most important thing of all about not being able to have another baby (without either a complicated NICU stay, or risking my own life)...

Then I make peace with the fact that this isn't going to happen for me again, and someday I can consider adoption. For now I just need to focus on what a beautiful blessing Ivy is. I always wanted more kids, but sometimes life blesses you in other ways. Maybe I'm only suppose to have one. Maybe my blessings all lie within her. 

Ivy's First Haircut (Disaster)

Ivy's hair had gotten pretty long, so last Sunday after her bath I decided to trim it. It was always in her eyes, and it was growing uneven down the back of her neck, and it was really bugging me. I didn't plan to do anything fancy, just even it out. That couldn't be too hard, right? Wrong.

I sat her down on the floor of her room with a sucker and a few toys, hoping they would distract her for the five minutes this little trim would take. I evened up the back in less than a minute, it only took a couple snips. It looked pretty good, and I decided to trim the top. It looked good, and only took about a minute, too. Ivy hadn't realized what I was doing, and I thought I would be home free after one more snip of her bangs....here is where it got a little tricky. Apparently Ivy hadn't seen the scissors I was using...I combed her bangs, lined them up between my fingers, went in to make the final snip, when -"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ivy realized that some a scary sharp object was near her face, she yanked her head to the left just as I snipped......the entire right side of her bangs off. Golden.

I cried ridiculously hard. I had just messed up my baby's first haircut. It looked good up until you saw those bangs that were too short to be considered bangs...more like little hair froofs where her bangs use to be. She looked a little like Casey in the seventh grade with her hair that short, actually. Then I started laughing because of that image. I called Casey into her bedroom, and he laughed pretty hard at the whole scene. Ivy, wrapped in a towel with ridiculous hair, one little hand up on her head touching where her bangs use to be, me, also wrapped in a towel, tears running down my face as I laughed, and little chunks of hair all over me. He said "Al, it's just hair, it will grow back." Obviously I felt that it wouldn't, because I cried about it for another solid half hour.

Luckily baby hair grows quickly, and her hair already looks much better. It was pretty darn funny, even though I felt stupid about it for days. Here are a few pictures. I tried to lessen the blow by putting in a ponytail and a bow....it didn't help much.

Happy Monday!

Ivy and I have gotten sufficient sleep the past few days, and I feel great today. I really wish it was warmer outside so we could go for a walk! Last week we enjoyed the warm weather by going on walks, going for drives with the windows down, and wearing shorts. It was wonderful.

Being able to sleep for more than a couple hours a night makes all the difference in the world. When Ivy was hardly sleeping, I would cry at the drop of a hat, I was irritable, I was depressed. I never wanted to get out of bed because I was so exhausted. It wiped me out to take care of Ivy all day, especially since she is on the move. Ivy was irritable too, and would throw big tantrums. I was blaming this on her sensory issues, but since she has been getting enough sleep, I've only seen one tantrum, as compared to the usual 3-4 a day. We are happy girls today.

I complained on Facebook last week about our lack of sleep, and one of Ivy's nurses suggested making a room entirely baby proof, placing a mattress on the floor, and leaving out soft toys for her to play with. If Ivy woke up in the middle of the night, I should let her know that it's resting time and she can play quietly with her books or stuffed animals. I decided to sleep on the mattress since we don't have a video monitor, and I was a little nervous about not being able to see her. We have done this for 3 nights in a row now, and it has made all the difference. I'm not sure if Ivy was feeling trapped in her crib, or if she just wanted the comfort of having me there when she woke up in the night, but we have both gotten lots of quality sleep by following Jess's advice.

I decided to make Ivy's playroom into our temporary sleeping room, so I cleared out all of her toys, and moved the mattress from our guest room onto the floor of the playroom. I rolled up a comforter and placed it along the side of the mattress, since Ivy is so tiny she had a hard time just climbing on and off of the mattress. I placed some of her favorite stuffed animals along the wall, and her basket of books next to them.

I didn't know what to expect the first night, and Ivy was really confused by the change of routine. She played until 11pm, slept until 5am, drank a few sips of a bottle, cuddled up to me, and slept until 8:45. It was a miracle. I didn't sleep as much as she did, I wasn't use to being without the monitor. It made me a little nervous, and I kept waking up to check her breathing. It was a good night. Much easier than I had anticipated.

The second night, she fell asleep around 10pm, woke up for about ten minutes at 1am and just played with her teddy, then crawled back onto the mattress, and slept until 8:30am.

Last night she fell asleep at about 9pm, drank a bottle at 3am, and woke up at 7am. Not bad!

Not much else happening here. Hope you have a good Monday!